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this is it people.
zong xiao is moving to mouxiao.blogspot.com£¬but this blog will still be in existence, so don't worry.

i was wanting to publish my (unfinished) book for a long long time. in fact, it would have appeared here, if not for the risk of someone plagiarising my masterpiece.

the last thing i want is to see STARLORES on the market with some other bastard's name on it.

after much thinking with my all-too-powerful brain, i've decided that star lores will make it's debut in my new blog.
so, selected chapters of star lores will be making it's appearance.

well, some of my readers' have been receiving star lores periodically, like jinhui, xiao fan, taufiq, siow yun... just to name a few. from reader feedback, I seem to be an okay writer =)

and of course it's humour!

aren't you excited yet? if you aren't you should be.

once again, go visithttp://mouxiao.blogspot.com.

seee you there!

mou zong xiao at 08/01/05 3:15 AM | 1 comments

2005

How many roads must a man walk down?

Nobody knows, but we all know that one stretch of the road is now behind us, and another is in front. Sweep away the dust of the past, forget about the worries of history; turn around and behold 2005, for the now rising sun beckons us to the road of tomorrow.

E lit students, you go ponder the meaning of the above.

***
2004 is now behind us. But one must never forget the glorious(okay, maybe not) things that have happened in the past 365 days. Once again, let the omnipotent Oracle Mou refresh your memory on recent history and events:

the Tsunami killed 128K people to date. numbers expected to rise above the 150k mark in the following weeks. So, if each of them has a minimum of 11 friends and relatives, that makes 1300K people affected. all those people will never have the mood to celebrate the new year again, and will be constantly reminded of the deaths.

Now, on to lighter things, like presenting certain awards to certain people for certain things.

first, I must give the ASSHOLE MOST DESERVING TO DIE AND MOST PEOPLE WANTING TO KICK HIS SORRY LITTLE ASS TO KINGDOM COME award to Cheng Shui Bian.

Why can't the assassin aim slightly higher! A few inches higher and the shot would be fatal. And I'll be laughing along with all my china comrades.

Taiwan is part of china.(insert patriotic music) How dare those separatists even dare to offend the motherland! do they not know how mighty china is? if china is my biceps, then taiwan is...is..nothing! a sweat gland!

my friend Lu Bo has a better comparison, but is slightly dirty. go ask him.

oh, yah, and the award for SADDEST DEATH goes for Arafat, the palistanian leader. I kind of pity him; he fought for palestan all his life, and yet never managed claim the land as his country's own.

And he has a one of a kind fashion sense too. that checkered head scarf, it looks beyond cool. I would have given him the award for BEST LOOKS, but hey, someone else bagged it, and it's no other than...

Saddam Hussein for his karl marx style when he was found. Nobody can have his scruffy-looking looks and yet be filmed by the world! It's amazing no fashion brand has gave him a modelling contract yet.

News reports that Saddam is having a good life in prison. He gets to read newspapers, drink tea, write letters and a book titled "THE DEVIL COMES."

no prizes for guessing who the devil is.

George W Bush wins the award for LEAST INTELLIGENT MAN. read the previous entry for details.

and his arch nemesis Osama Bin Laden wins the best quote and for best-hidden guy awards. a guy like him, on the run, it's little wonder that his famous quote is "IF YOU KNOW WHERE I AM, TELL ME."
in fact, he's so deserving a mention that I'll dedicate a song to him:

roughly translated from Gan Lan Shu(chinese):
don't ask me from where I come
far far away is my home,
why do I wander, wander far...

talking about wandering far, why not wander all the way to Beijing in 2008? Best entertainment award goes to the Athens olympics, which beyond doubt, is good entertainment. The Athens olympics was over, and China came in 2nd on the medal rankings! liu Xiang won the hurdles 110m event! I'm so ji1 don4 I want to sing more patriotic songs now!

the closing ceremony for Olympics was, well, Zhang Yi Mou idea of young girls wearing skirts 5 sizes too short made me sliightly uncomfortable. at least the young girl saying "see you in beijing" at the end was a nice touch. Hopefully, I'll see the young girl in beijing in 2008. Not everyday your country playing host to such a big event. When is Singapore's turn?

oh, one last mention at the Awards 2004:
most eligible bachelor:
me.
well, do I look like the kind of guy who brag, overly exxegerate, boast about world domination masterplans and has the fake presumption that he himself is the King of the World?
of course not, right?


and to all who come to mouxiao.ebloggy.com,

HAPPY NEW YEAR, 2005!
mou zong xiao at 02/01/05 6:40 AM | 6 comments

Of big-sized men and small-sized brains.

I don't see what's the fuss about an overweight, hysterical old man with long facial hair and in a tight, slightly homosexual red jumpsuit flying through the air. Well, unless you people view him as your galactic idol or something, I don't see any reason to get excited.

He might even be Osama Bin Laden in disguise. Same beard, same evil laughter, and they both have their own hidden lair complete with legions of minions. For all you know, Santa may promise 72 virgin elves for every kamikaze elf who will gloriously sacrifice their Middle-Earth lives for the Great Jihad.

the truth is out there and I KNOW IT.

For another, the righteous SPCA views him as a mortal foe. Hey, they declare nuclear war on you if you so much as glare at a stray. What do you think they will do when they see a herd of endangered deer dragging an excruciatingly heavy guy hundreds of metres up in the air?

If SPCA taskforce catches up with Santa, a lot of kids will have no presents this year. Well, too bad for them.

And talking of animals, did you guys hear about the woman who cloned her cat for 50 grand?! man, that's what I call a total waste of resources.
For that money, she could have bought 50 other cats. Or donated all that 50k to some animal welfare organisation, like the SPCA.(I'm not sure what they will use that for... hunt Santa?) in fact, a small village of kenya people with no food no water no nothing could be saved with that money.

Christmas is about about sharing, giving, blahblah blah good samaritarian things right?! well, then the spirit of christmas certainly isn't with this selfish bitch, that @!F$#S! of a $%&^$!

She has to splurge her savings on a miserable CAT. If only she could spare a thought for those poor helpless people who could really use that 50 k.

Like me.

Anyway, how did other people spend christmas? Let the omnipotent, enlightened guru of world news(ME) to impart his infinite wisom. Lets start from the middle East.

Uncle Osama, Allah knows where the hijacked airliner he is, could very well be filming his MTV terror video, christmas special, with a shaky videocam. Music videos are kind of "in" at the moment, and so is christmas. I'm sure, if Osama could sign a contract with a recording company (the one with a dog and a stenograph, I don't know it's name), his first album, titled along the lines of "JIHAD- MASTERS OF KA-BOOM" and "Singing my Heart out to the Tune of the Ticking Time Bomb", would surely sell. Hey, I would buy it. And so would be the rest of the world.

Just think about it- All the terror masterplans AND good(ok, maybe arabic, so we can't actually understand) music AND everyone's favourite terrorist extraordinaire WITH a goatee- what else do you want in an album? U2's guest appearance and Osama's autographs?!

Allright. I confess. I won't buy it. I'll download from Limewire or some other file sharing program. Hey, it's not piracy. I'm a patriotic comrade in the war on terror, not soliciting funds to Al Quada by buying their devious platinum albums.

Well, talking of Osama, I shall talk about Bush, our favourite stuttering, half wit, etc, self-styled king of the world american vegetable- I mean, president.

Well, let's see what he will want for christmas. A black i pod mini? i don't think so. X box games like Halo 2? nah, no need for his warrior princess: Xena image to evolve into Warrior Homicidal Texan nerd with bad english image.
Well, then you say, how about nuclear strikes targeted at any "AXIS OF EVIL" countries at his will? Countries include Syria, N. Korea, France, Bhutan, Mongolia, Sentosa...the list goes on and on and on.

Well, until we can find another hospitable planet and can get there before Bush plans to nuke us all, Santa better stick with giving Bush an Oxford dictionary. He needs it more than anyone else. I'll be shamed if I get killed in a Nuclear doomsday orchestrated by a dumbass vegetable with a floppy disk wit.

And guess how I,very eliglible bachelor and thousand-times nominated Most Clever Guy at mouxiao.ebloggy.com, spent my christmas?

Well, my religion forbid me to sink into mortal lavish and illusionary, soul-consuming human enjoyments, like watching movies. So, I watched Kung Fu Hustle. Kind of plotless and pointless, but great fun. Well, infinitely better than that unspeakable horror of a Z grade horror movie that I watched with my 3L friends. it had everything a rubbish bin has, that is, crap, and more foul smelling crap. For historical purposes, it's called Crapmas with the Crappers.

Anyway, hope you people had a happy christmas, be you a bothersome christian missionary who keeps knocking on my door so much there's a kong fu hole in my wooden door that allows to public to admire all my artfully delicious furnishings, or you be the insidious matchmaker who tried to matchmake me to your own obscenely fat and dumb daughter. Go take your pondspawn to G Bush orOsama lah! I'm not that desperate.

Yah. My malay friend was seeking fame and fortune by asking me to make him the male lead in this blog. What was he thinking?! HE'll be shamed for life if I agreed... we all know what a, ahem, kind, compassionate guy I am, who doesn't insult anybody.

And merry christmas to you all!










mou zong xiao at 26/12/04 11:12 AM | 7 comments

let's rock this joint!

first, let talk about 2L. I mean, how can I treat my dear, ignorant half-witted readers (yes, that means YOU) to an epic crap-fest without them knowing one atom about the circumstances I'm going to talk about?
Ok. this is 2L:


A picture is worth 1K words. you judge for yourselves what kind of dudes and gals we are.

Yah. On to the chalet. theoritically, a chalet should be a exciting, adrenaline-pumping group outing with all-night orgies and many activites which you didn't dare do when your moma is around, like flirting, gambling, beer-guzzling and, ah, burning things...I mean barbeque.

Let Mou give you a brief glimpse of chalet life.

1) buddy-bonding
No, it's not what you think it is! What I meant was that a chalet outing cultivates friendship, blah blah blah. It provides the perfect opportunity to plan your horribly evil revenge masterplan on that obnoxious bastard who displeased you all those years back...yah! A chalet near a beach also gives you ample opportunity to flirt and attract those girls you've been wanting...

all my 2L comrades even screamed at me for disturbing the peace and quiet of two lovebirds...all I really wanted to do was talk to someone when everyone else is drinking beer.

2) Looking At Chiobus
liupu and jitwei were making sharp observations about beautiful girls everywhere we went. If their taste were anything to go by, any girl with long hair is a chiobu. Well, I thought so too a few months back, before those "chiobus" turned around and I saw their faces.

Before I lost my dinner and my consciouness during those encounters with the grossly-inhuman kind, i vaguely remember these long haired beings looking like treebeard's sister.

Liupu and Jitwei can only look, and all they lack is a good pickup line to perfect their love life. Since I was struck down with a severe throat problem which limited my speech to guttural animal grunts, which, quoting xushu, sounded macho, I could not deliver them to best effect. It's NOT a pity. there's no worthy target anyway.

3) Gambling.
it seems that my 2L comrades are all hardcore compulsive gambling addicts. for the first day and a large portion of the second day, cards and coins flew round the table.

Blackjack, poker, bridge... you name it, they play it. Yes, they play with money, and yes, I suppose they do know the chinese idiom about the dangers of gambling. No, I didn't gamble, for my religion forbids:

the great god Mou came to me in a dream and told me, amongst a great many other things, that gambling is a unholy sin of Mouism, punishable by closing the nearest pirated cd rom shop

yah, since i'm morally upright and hence don't gamble, I have nothing to do. Good thing ZongDe, being a buddhist, doesn't gamble as well, which allowed me to pass the time by taking a very long stroll along pasir ris beach with him.

Bored and pissed when all my friends are gambling. Isn't chalet supposed to allow us to go out and play? if we were to gamble, just go to one's house anyday, we don't have to go to a chalet to play with your money.

in fact, I've discovered a trend.
during sec1, jackson brought up gambling. no one dared.
sec2, jackson brought up gambling again, and they gambled for a while before they stopped.
Next year, I'm sure someone will bring a russian roulette or a jackpot machine.

4) swimming
the scouts were there too! in a chalet house 2 houses away! went for a dip with them on the 2nd day's morning, for everyone in 2L was still asleep.

my first dip in a jacuzzi left me feeling like a sponge in soap. All rubbery over.

when I went back, my 2L people were still asleep. Look at the time, man. it's 10 am!

afternoon 2L tried water polo. All I saw was a lot of splashing and shouting, not a bare ripple resembling anything close to tactics. well, it's our first time. Can't expect us to go into 2-3-1 formation the first time we play.

5) Beer Guzzling
A number of us boys bought sparkling juice (3% alcohol) on the first night. I tasted it, it was quite good. evidently, 3% alcohol was not enough to satisfy their thirst for alcohol, so on the second night, they bought 6 cans of carlsberg, the Best Beer in the World.

After intake, they acted drunk. either their acting skills were really good, like them dropping stone dead onto the floor, or they were really drunk. I presume it'a a mix of the two.
It's a pity they did not speak out their deepest secrets.


6) barbeque.
nothing much. Wanted to burn the whole chalet down, but evidently, a bag of charcoal and 6 firestarters were not nearly enough. Infact, they were barely able to grill the chicken wings.

7)X box
I was hoping to play X box all along. there was a X box shop, and chooqi, zongde, jitwei and me went there at 12mn to play halo2. each of us payed $2 for 1.5 hours of maximum enjoyment...well, maybe me the most, for i was the undefeated champ, all the way. Well, when wasn't I?

yup. that concludes the chalet.

I went home not particularly amused, nor did I enjoy myself that much. Gambling is not for me, and if we could have devoted our time to more worthwhile pursuits, like the short water polo, it may have been wonderful. Alas, it is not, and I am unsure if I am going to go to next year's chalet.


mou zong xiao at 14/12/04 11:52 AM | 18 comments

For world peace! And Love!

Xiao Fan was harrassing- no, more like an interrogation to the death- me on my love life yesterday.
Now, to get people like her off my sexually-harrased tail, I shall explain once and for all, in this entry, about Love, the universe, Miss World Pageants and my totally irresistible manly charm, but most importantly, about my LOVE LIFE.
by the way, this entry is rated R(A). So those with weak hearts, keep away.

A word about the recent Miss World 2004. All I can say is, the standard of miss World is dropping. There was many a god-aweful moment when I had to rush to the toilet to liberate my dinner.
It makes you wonder sometimes on how a barrel-chested, lumpy-stomached, short and stumpy hobbit with a pancake nose and a drooling mouth managed to represent a country. Unless she was representing Orcs from Middle-Earth, of course.
Then comes the part where those miss whatwhatwhat says something. It's all the same. Even I can do better than that. Generic answers includes world peace, caring for little furry animals and everyone at a point of time will say I love you/I love Sana/ I love the World/ I love to seduce the horny judges....
Actually, they didn't say the latter. but me, as the audience, wish to see a little DRAMA GOING ON. I wish to see them saying how they absolutely hated all the other bitches who dared to have the atrocity to compete with her, how she knows she is the prettiest, bitchiest sexiest and etc women in the world and deserves the title... all the talk about world peace is getting so cliche, so fake, like some of their breasts...
If they can't deliver that, at least say something less cliche, something along the lines of "LONG LIVE CHAIRMAN MOU AND THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF CHINA!" and '"I'm going to dominate the world now that I've had a nose job, botox shots, silicon implants and a pentium 4 microproccesor that increased my Iq by 100 to 101!"

Miss Peru won. I'm content. At least she's not a bimbo.

Now on to the cosmic entity known as LURVE.
you can't control love, nor can you end it. in fact, it's something like the iraq war, messy, oily, and has a lot to do with hot-blooded people trying to invade each other's private space...
It's human nature to love. In fact, it's every sexually-reproducing animal's nature to love. you don't see amoebas proposing to one under on a cloudness full moon, do you?
Us humans have many ways to guage their love. There are two extremes, and luckily, I know the perfect candidates for these two polar ends. (name is changed to protect the privacy of these two from my withering scrutiny.)
At one end is future porn mag editor/rapist/ porn superstar/ international playboy/ criminal mastermind jXXda. He loves both males and females. A lot of love right?! maybe, but all he loves is the rusty exterior of love. Physcial side of love occupies all his attention, and I bet he will be surrounded by bimbos by the time he opens his koala bear farm in australia. (That's his ambition. Don't ask me why.)

At another end is my malay friend, future ayatolah/ terrorist/ prophet/ american-hater/ soccer superstar taufXX. being a muslim, he gets to enjoy the company of 72 amorous virgins in his afterlife! his love life is all planned out for him! Is that cool or what?! Also, he has the added bonus of being to have unlimited number of wives in his mortal days!
Cool, right? yet he's so shy. Don't even dare to speak when he goes out with girls. if he continues with his record, he'll not even have one wife, let alone being a national hero by gloriously increasing Singapore's population and forming his own family terrorist cell in his bid for world domination....

Actually, Love is lot more complicated than that. But why should I care? It all comes to one thing in the end: reproduction.


AH! Now onto MY love life. everyone says I'm a philosophical, funny nice guy. Now that's the point. These 3 enduring traits will get me no where in my love life.
When has plato or Aristotle been known to be content with their love life? in fact, they were all bachelors!

Then on to humourous. Girls treat me as their friends, good friends even. that's good enough. But in terms of love? nothing going, dude.

And being nice. History is a mirror, and from what I know, Julius Caesar was NOT a nice guy and he had a jolly good time with sexy babelicious queen of egypt, Cleopatra.

Tang Xuan Zong was a nice guy. And you know what he ended up with? A sumo-wrestling transvesite champ with a gut the size of the royal palace, called Yang Gue Fei!

from now on, I'm going to be a kickass cool dude, and nobody will mess with me. I want a cleopatra as a wife, not Mitsubishi the sumo wrestler!

you know, Miss China is very desirable as well.

Ah. talking so much, all I want to say is this:

"FOR WORLD PEACE!"























mou zong xiao at 05/12/04 3:45 PM | 11 comments

sec 4 farewell

there's a chinese saying: there's no party where there's no end under the sky.

I have a saying. Next year, Com club should organize our sec 4 farewell somewhere else, somewhere more exciting, somewhere far away from school, somewhere so enticing that more than 8 seniors will come...

sec 4 farewell for com club was yesterday. I will not go into details on how wonderfully fantastic and heart-thumpingly exciting the so-called party was, because it is not. Instead, if everyone had brought their pillows, we could have all caught up on our beauty sleep.

trust me. It's one slow-boiled hell of a boring ride. So much for me shouting "LET'S ROCK THIS JOINT!" at the start. Siow Yun even asked me entertain the crowd by cracking jokes. For everyone's nirvana-attaining enlightenment, I WRITE jokes. it takes TIME. I don't go making those jokes you see in reader's digest.

it's Ok that this year is pathetic. the sec 4s seem to forgive us. Well, it's us sec3 excos first time trying. it's the spirit that counts, but I feel guilty that we could not come up with anything better.

We should have all bought air-tickets and went to Canada to visit jinhui, no matter he welcomes us or not.


But for next year, I suggest the following master plans for world dominati- I mean, sec 4 farewell.

PERFECTLY PERFECT FLAWLESS MASTER PLANS!


MASTER PLAN A: Fatal Brawl

After reading so many wuxia novels, I have come to one conclusion: the more harder/ longer/ dangerous fight you have with someone, the better the friendship you'll have with the other.

so, we duel one sec4 with one sec1/2/3, no rules, all weapons.

bound to create that everlasting bond of friendship, forged from blood and sweat and thriple thunder lonely wanderer holy palms! if that can't work....

MASTER PLAN B: Beer-Guzzling Contest

Hey, all guys want to drink beer... or is it just me? since most com club members are male, we could have a beer drinking contest. the one who drinks the most beer wins certain prizes, like more beer. Great opportunity for sec1s to prove to their mighty god-awful seniors that they do have certain amirable skills.

Since it is a) unlawful and b) you'll surely get drunk, it will result in an adrenaline-pumping and out of this world experience. the teachers can take part too!

MASTER PLAN C:COM CLUB IDOL

organize a singapore-idol-like brainless, talentless and time consuming talentime contest, for com club members only! since com club people don't normally sing /dance, and from what i see from my robotics trips, they don't have the faintest notion of good fashion sense, we can organise this for maximum laughs and entertainment. And if someone could sneakily hook up the microphone to the school's PA system...Much better than playing wacko in the mud.

Bound to have lots of William Hungs. Maybe Suria can join in and show us what a bollywood action movie star like him can do. "By Shiva, I'llllll be baaack!"

MASTER PLAN D: BACKUP PLAN
play soccer.
next year's sec4s (my batch) like to play soccer. Just give us a soccer ball, thank you very much.


NOTE:I do not hold any responsibility for any consequences of MASTER PLAN B.



READ THIS IF YOU ARE HUMAN. IF ELSE, SKIP THIS EMOTIONAL BANTER.
On a heavier note, i could not but feel a certain heaviness in my heart as the party ended. The sec4s exit were silent, and I don't think any of the se2s and below will really miss them, let alone even know their names. Flooded away into the caves of history, com club will never see them again.

for four years I've seen them, and they'll be gone. For four years my juniors will see me, and I'll be gone. Left behind are all but varying memories, fading into whiteness with time.


tian1 xia4 wu2 bu4 san4 zhi1 yan3 xi2.



mou zong xiao at 28/11/04 2:31 PM | 11 comments

Pulau Ubin survival Course.

me. in Pulau Ubin. One of the few survivors.



more survivors. from left: Zhang Yun, yue Qiu, you wei, chen wei, serene, hgai tung, brandon. Most in the picture survived that day unscathed. Note their happy expressions? Well, it weren't be there anymore, when the injuries and rescue missions begin.




another picture of happiness, taken after Mission Saving Private Hongren had been accomplished!

Let's just say that the pulau Ubin class outing has it's name all wrong.
For one thing, it's not exactly a class outing. two-third of the class weren't there. Some had their parents restricting them to venture into the unknown known as Pulau Ubin.

For another, it's not, based on the mood of the class at pulau Ubin, not an outing. more like a endurance survival course, topped with a military rescue flavour. All we needed was army fatigues and we could have filmed our own 3L version of "SAVING PRIVATE RYAN", albeit changing Ryan to Hong ren, serene and maybe Candy.
Well, at least they should be okay now. you can't die by falling off a bicycle into a bush, right?!

a bried review:
hongren got lost!
rescuers-me, Zhang Yun and Huixian, stopped at top of a hill wondering where the hell was he while private HR was below, wonderinfg where the hell were we.

hongren's bike spoiled. I became bicycle-repairman, among a range of other professions that day.

cycled all the way to the end of the longest road, found a crystal-clear lake waiting for our sun-baked eyes. lured two terrapins close with treats of breadcrumb, they were so close to becoming soup for Junda. Good thing they had the good sense to swim away.

cycled back. Had to cycle 2 bicycles at times cause Hongren can't cycle and there were mud puddles.

became bicycle handler. pushing two bicycles down a slope is not fun. next time, hongren, you either learn how to ride a bike or push your own bike.


serene injured. dropped off her bike. everyone had tendencies to fall off two-wheeled vehicles that day.
found her and a few helpers under shelter. gave my 5cents worth of help in the form of tissue papers. rode off again, tried to find the rest. Found them missing at rendezvous point, rode back, rode on again, rode back, rode forth, retrieved my bag and went forth with chenwei.

had to find where the others went. where the hell did the others go?

raining, heavy downpour, no umbrella, just me and chenwei with 3 bikes and lots of bad luck between us. helped to hold chenwei's bag while we struggled on in the rain. found out later that the vanguard had gone back to starting location, drank some water and ate some biscuits, commented on the weather and borrowed a gigantic WALLS umbrella from the kind store auntie and decided, out of kind compassion, to save our wet A$$es.
met the first umbrella carrier, brandon a few minutes after the rain had stopped. poignant.
met the rest carrying the huge walls umbrella, strolling and having lots of fun. Wish I could do the same.

that was not all.
rode back AGAIN, for the what 12 time? and substituted Ngai Tung as taxi driver for the injured serene. of course, when I say "taxi", I mean the 2 rubber-wheeled two seated 2 rusty chained variety, where it could go only as fast as my legs. Since Serene could not paddle and could not balance, the maximum speed of the taxi was slightly slower than paint dry while upslope, and slightly faster than grass grow during downslope.
and don't talk to me about balancing that unweildy contraption! I only managed to hold the bicycle bearably steady through sheer willpower, luck and the power of hope.

CONCLUSION:All in all, it was quite fun, surprisingly! At least I'm not dead. Tired, yes, but still proud of my achievements.

we should all go there again!

mou zong xiao at 08/11/04 1:31 PM | 15 comments